First real post on the other blog. 1/3/09 cirocksf.blogspot.com

So today was suppose to be productive but iono if u know me. Uh its hard to get me to be productive. Goal was to get hella schoolwork done but we just got some done. Day started chill. Renee picked me up and we went to get lunch. Originally we were gunna go to La BULLSHIT cafe. Some French shit. But went to stacks instead. We visited Eugene at Azaleas or however u spell it. We had to comfort him about his bike gettin stolen. w.e that nigga still has a yamaguchi. After food went to the library. didnt really get anything done. So we went to stonestown borders. Ran into mitra out of nowhere. Wrote a lil bit of my artist statement then pooop goes Renee’s computer. Ok so I though we should bowl iono y but I did. we called colleen and bopped around the mall waiting to leave. then bowling. Now im home stressin about school, texting jackeezy.

Sean's Coming Over

I'm staring out my window and I see Sean attempting to park his big Mercedes Benz. Nice 3 point turn my friend.

Gonna do some homework today? HA

Gibberish.

emem-iul snad tuot ellydI nu ts emmoh nucua

etelpmoc tiate noitanracni'l te ruelf enu'uq emia iul ruop iruelf a elle servel ses ed ehcuot al a. eessarbme a'l li srola. eliote enu rus eepparf ete tiava iuq tnemedrocca'd ettehcruof al a gnol sulp tnemom nu ruour tnatuoce, udnetta li conD.

L'amour est en arrière mon cher.

built to spill

...and now it's coming back,
hasn't it come too far?

I was trying to help but I guess
I pushed too hard

now we can't even touch it;
afraid it'll fall apart

i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so its the little things i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so i told you so....

....

shittt. life. iono how to explain myself. im not about to try and write some deep ass shit and try to be like terence. well just cuz. i can write like him iono how the fuck he does that shiittt. but i just got shit on my mind. For some reason i saw all this coming from the start. exactly what i was scared of. it was that cycle i saw from the start. but now i kinda got kicked out the cycle. kinda a big reality check. What is my life? and What do i need? Who can u trust? i can only kinda answer part of that. i think is slowly coming apparent to me of what i need. seems like i have most of it. but something dont fell right. sometimes i kinda wish i was cold hearted and that i do play dirty in life and that i could really just not give fuck about shit, just cuz things wouldnt hurt as much. lately its kinda seems like ignorance is bliss but thats the easy way out. i guess the only thing i should concentrate on is just art. its always on my side. well see iono wtf im writing right now. prolly doesnt make anysense but hopefully time will just sort shit out. late

if it makes sense to you..

I can see it rise before it's even aware of itself, rearing a small ugly head out of the depths and signing up, up to the nothingness of heaven. It's all there, right where we can't see it, just past the strength of our muscle to be able to pull it back out, stuck and sputtering sloppily like a mewling cat. I watch it pass me by, thoughtlessly, more in essence than any of us could ever be. What is it? A feeling, or an escape? Designations and definitions and distinctions, all of them are blurred.

Remember us, sitting indian style in a smoky room, passing hopes and dreams round and round in a circle until some freudian slip or cautious motion of the arm and hand disrupted the rotation, and we were never the same.

I feel the melodies slipping away through my fingertips, and try to catch and capture them in some sort of frugal manner on paper with ink. Its futile, nonfunctional, but not pointless. I wonder, I wish, but I don't honestly think it will work out. Any of it. I guess thats why we live. Just to prove ourselves wrong, even if everyone else is right and you do turn out to be a failure or a doctor or a lawyer or a prostitute. If it weren't for everybody's expectations of us, what would we expect out of ourselves? We tend to miss the important things while chasing after shadows in the dark.

Its a funny life we live, I'm just wary of being the butt of some vengeful demi-god's practical joke.

Played with a 50mm 1.8 nikoner today lol.

lol this school wants me haha.